Liz's Reality Blog #1

I wanted to start my blog on a special day. But, my life doesn’t happen that way. So today is the day. If it wasn’t for spur of the moment, I would be missing some of the best moments in my life. So June, ummm (what day is it?) 30th, 2010. Liz’s Reality blog entry #1. Most people like Reality shows, so I hope you like this. I like some reality shows, they make me feel sane. Hopefully you find some sanity in reading my blog. I think it would be great to help people to feel a little more sane in the craziness of life. lol

Today is about 2 years, and a little over 4 months, since we lost our son Mark. Everything seems to go through this new time filter of before and after. He was only nineteen years old. He was the most precious beautiful son a parent could hope for. Everything went smooth the day he was born. A full head of jet black hair. Later his big black eyes opened and he had milky white skin, (very fair for being 1/2 mexican, much like his grandpa). His coloring and eye shape reminded me of a baby panda bear, I thought he was beautiful. As days passed I could see how bright he was. It was beginning to sink in what a miracle he was. What a miracle life itself is. I tried to realize the responsibility and privilege we now have. I prayed God would help me get my mind around it. I was trying so hard to understand the magnitude of life itself. I was thankful for the privilege I now had and I knew it as the most precious thing I had ever been a part of. I wanted to do the best for God, because I knew he was the creator of this life-Mark’s life.

My biggest ambition in life was always to be a stay at home mom. In my mind that was the most important job anyone could do. My hope is in sharing some of my life experiences I can help others. I believe that if we don’t pass on our wisdom, it will be wasted. I don’t want to waste anything God gives me.

My parents were both very poor growing up. My mom was raised in a Catholic orphanage and my dad, as far as I knew, pretty much raised himself. The girls typically left the orphanage at 16 and usually married right away. My dad spent his childhood in a bad section of Detroit and he later moved to Kansas City to deliver tortillas for his Aunt Betty and Uncle Ralph. He taught himself spanish for his job and because he couldn’t resist the opportunity for conversation. He put himself through trade school to be an electrician and eventually worked for TWA. Those were the good old days of flying. When TWA gave you real food on real dishes with real silverware and the TWA initials inscribed on everything. The kids got wings to wear and even a deck of cards for entertainment. Unfortunately, TWA no longer exist and I have to bring my own snacks for fear of starvation en route to my destination.

Being the youngest of 6 kids I had the privilege of traveling often with my parents. Our travels were always fun. I always thought I could be a good travel agent too because I learned from the best, my dad. He would wake up early in the morning to explore the area. Talk to the locals about what we should see and do. He would return to the hotel with local pastries, his coffee and our juice for breakfast. Waking some of us up wasn’t easy. But, like a good dad, he didn’t take no for an answer. The locals knew him by name. Traveling by car to see the sites was alway fun and I loved the commotion and laughter. Us kids would make fun of dad and his funny ways, like using the same hankie over and over. He sounded like a fog horn when he blew his nose. His allergies didn’t slow him down and he was always the first to laugh at himself.

My parents motivation in life was survival and their ambitions was to give their kids a better life than the life they lived; I believe they succeeded. They moved us to good neighborhoods in the suburbs and put most of my brothers and sister through catholic schools. I graduated from a catholic high school, but my elementary and junior high school days were in the public schools which I read later were in the bottom 10 worst for education in the country which explains a lot. My parents didn’t know any better at the time. I spent many years being angry at some of their decisions. I was holding a grudge for things I think they should have protected me from. But, it was my problem to deal with now. Not theirs. Letting go and forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

Tim Allen, a comedian, said when his kids come home complaining, he knows what he’s gonna say,

“Come on, move back in, we’ll have a do over. Mom and I are a lot calmer now.”

As ridiculous as that sounds, so was holding on and not getting help with my grudges sooner.

Coupled that with my ADD, I am not so sure how I even made it out of school.

Gym and Art were my favorite subjects. I went to college for psychology primarily to figure myself out, but found they didn’t have a clue. I changed to interior architectural design. I can hardly say it, much less get a degree in it. What was I thinking? I should have kept it simple and done something like interior design or an art teacher. Another bad decision too late.

My best education in life started when I was 28. Out of need, I turned to God; waiting until I really had no choice. I was backed in a corner with no way out. Really my options were limited, either God’s way or my way again. It was the best decision I ever made.

God’s way has kept me steady through the most difficult times in life. A decision I could have made sooner, but regretfully didn’t.

Even after losing our precious son Mark, this is still one of the happiest times of my life, not because I don’t have moments of great sadness. But, because I know God’s faithfulness better, and I trust Him more.

Psalm 71:20

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.

“Livin’ the Dream” - Live knowing God is ultimately in control - Knowing God has a Plan.

Something to think about...

Don’t do what I did....

Let go of things and forgive others, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you.

Pray God will give you wisdom and the courage to let go of things in your life you shouldn’t be holding on to.